Dan and Brittany Wilson with family

Dan and Brittany Wilson were high school sweethearts. Now, 20 years later, they’re married with two young daughters (ages five and seven). When Dan was diagnosed in February 2019 with stage 4A non-small cell Lung cancer, they turned to each other and their families for support. We talked to Dan and Brittany about how lung cancer upended their lives, how they keep their love front and center, and advice for other couples facing a lung cancer diagnosis.

How Brittany felt when Dan was first diagnosed.

“Finding out your best friend has cancer is life-altering. We found out while sitting in the ER, and we could do nothing but hold each other and cry. I was devastated. I immediately started thinking about our girls and what they would do without him. And I was feeling so sad that Dan could potentially miss so many amazing moments as the girls grow up. We didn’t know what to expect, but we knew life for us had changed forever—and we didn’t know what that meant,” shared Brittany.

“After our first day in the hospital, all I could think about was cleaning out my closet. It was the ONLY thing I could control at that time; for some reason, it was a necessity at that moment. My sister came over and I got rid of bags of clothes,” she continued. “Having no control during a time of the unknown is horrible. However, life goes on. I still had to work. I had to make sure we had an income and our insurance was good.

“With Dan’s diagnosis, it was hard to stay positive—especially when I found out his cancer was not just any cancer. It was that ‘worst-case scenario’ we had discussed with our doctors during those first days of appointments. (Warning to anyone unfortunate enough to have cancer come into their lives: NEVER GOOGLE!). How does a 34-year-old, healthy, non-smoker get lung cancer?” she wondered.

“I struggled. But Dan’s will to beat cancer, his will to live his life and not let things get to him, gave me the ability to push beyond the grief and realize there was hope.”

Dan talks about having Brittany by his side during his lung cancer journey.

“Brittany was always very smart and caring, but I never imagined she’d be faced with being my caregiver at such a young age,” said Dan.

“When I began seeing specialists, Brittany was calm and calculated in her approach. She’d have her laptop up and would document everything we were told. We didn’t understand much at first because neither of our backgrounds was in the medical field, but we were determined to understand everything we were told and all our options. It was a challenge for me was staying focused during appointments as my mind would drift. What would my life be like for my loved ones without me or the things I wouldn’t be able to do anymore,” he wondered.

“Brittany would help me refocus, and after each appointment we’d sit down together to review her notes. Her love and support are difficult to put into words—but I cannot imagine going through this journey without her. She truly is the love of my life, and I am very fortunate to call her my wife.”

How Dan and Brittany keep love and joy, not cancer and caregiving, at the center of their relationship.

“Besides loving each other, our daughters keep us centered. They bring us so much happiness, and we work hard to ensure they are loved and do not miss out on anything due to our cancer journey. We try to make each moment and milestone, from birthdays to accomplishments to cancerversarys, special and celebratory and full of joy,” they shared.

“We have found that a positive mindset can have amazing effects on your mind and body. Positivity and hope keep pushing us forward when things are difficult. Giving ourselves permission to be sad or upset, and reminding each other to be honest about our feelings, helps us work through issues and stressors together. And we have a great village to support us and help us with the girls when we need time together.

“Once we had a handle on life with cancer, we knew that we had a shared vision of doing more. Our core values and vision for our lives together haven’t changed much, but the cancer diagnosis has given us frequent reminders that our intentions and behaviors need to match our daily life.”

Their advice for other couples facing a lung cancer diagnosis.

“You will have good times and bad, but you must stick together and be open with each other. It’s normal to internalize your feelings, but communication is important as it becomes infinitely more difficult if you aren’t communicating your feelings. And be kind to yourselves and the people around you as everyone will handle things differently.

“Try to pay attention to how you and your partner respond when things happen. If you know they keep things in, get them to talk; if you tend to lash out, try to take a deep breath or go for a walk and gather your thoughts before having hard conversations. And ask for help. Find a support system where you can vent and one you can rely on when you need a break.

“A lung cancer diagnosis is terrifying. The only way to move beyond the grief is to be there for each other. Be honest, communicate, and remember that love and hope can move mountains and increase your quality of life,” they advised.

If you or your loved one have questions about lung cancer or what you’re going through, we’re here for you. Contact our HelpLine at support@go2.org or 1-800-298-2436.